Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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