Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
