For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
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If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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