there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
