Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize