That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
