Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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