i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
