I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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