one word: firstdatebathroomanal
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
