i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
