Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
