i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
