Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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