Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
