we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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