Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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