Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
