Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
