Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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