Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
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He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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