Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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