I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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