doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
