weddingsv make me drug and hornr
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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