Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
