Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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