Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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