Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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