Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
