you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
