Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
