Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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