I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
