I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
