for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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