i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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