I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I want to be your penis for a week.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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