So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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