Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
