you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
