youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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