Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
