Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
