My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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