Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
