Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
