why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
