all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
