theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize