i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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