It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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