i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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