u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
