i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
