Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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