TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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