Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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